Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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