i would punch a child for taco bell
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
