i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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