it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
