how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
