The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
