Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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