A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Porn is love you can see.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
