She went from zero to smokin in five shots
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
