Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize