"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize