i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
