Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
