yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
