My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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