Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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