The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
