is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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