Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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