The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
