Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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