we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
