I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
