As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize