i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
