She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
