He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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