DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
