bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
