i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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