is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
