My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
