Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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