why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize