Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
