There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
