also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
