It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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