Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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