so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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