so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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