Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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