I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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