i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I could fuck to npr.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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