So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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