I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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