I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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