u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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