PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize