Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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