This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
