My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
