The maid of honor just puked.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
