i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
