apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
