apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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