I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
