He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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