Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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