My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
