I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
