I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
