i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
