saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
