i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
