I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
