My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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