I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ugly people sure do ruin things
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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