i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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