I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
