You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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