you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i believe in u and ur pee
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
