Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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