so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
