Already got asked if we're dating
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Randomize
