Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
